Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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