You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
