i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
