a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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