i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
