This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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