At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
