I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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