My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
