you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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