What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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