im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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