And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
