Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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