she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
