Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
