im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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