Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
