OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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