I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
