We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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