the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it glows. i had to have it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
