He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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