I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
