Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize