I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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