its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No subtext here. People are naked.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
