sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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