He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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