I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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