What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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