Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
