I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
