Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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