Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ttyl tear gas
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
