apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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