Small penises have feelings too.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
