Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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