did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
