Just fell off a train. Bad.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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