Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
