i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
