24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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