I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
