Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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