I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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