Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
