She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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