11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
