i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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