is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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