About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
