Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
