just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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