Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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