You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
