Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
