I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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