I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
