He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
