i don't like sucking hair
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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