it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Randomize
