i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
