everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
