Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere

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(713): View more from Texas

I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.

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(325): View more from Texas

I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(601): View more from Mississippi

How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

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(206): View more from Washington

he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes

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(801): View more from Utah

And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.

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