you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.