Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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