Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

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  (847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8
  Replies (105) Good night (1600) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?

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  (612): I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big? http://tfl.nu/wlg7
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

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  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4509) Bad night (517)
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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

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  (410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?

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  (602): I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans? http://tfl.nu/zjae
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

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  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8668) Bad night (1706) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue

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  (763): Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue http://tfl.nu/sfb5
  Replies (4) Good night (3419) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

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  (310): The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit. http://tfl.nu/agun
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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  (630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1787) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

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  (952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e
  Replies (6) Good night (5534) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".

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  (206): he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun". http://tfl.nu/e6oo
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  (925): View more from California

  You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.

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  (925): You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure. http://tfl.nu/nboc
  Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?

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  (760): I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/rhvf
  Replies (23) Good night (1873) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt

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