if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."