I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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