True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
