You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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