i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
