I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
