This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
