If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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