Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
