That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What a dumb baby whore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
