Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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