You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Enjoy the penises
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
