I need help removing her.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
