I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
