is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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