the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
