What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
